Fantasy Football Is Killing My Grass

By
for NFLSportChannel.com

Published: August 18, 2009

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... FANTASY FOOTBALL websites and FANTASY FOOTBALL hula lessons, and FANTASY FOOTBALL hamster food and FANTASY FOOTBALL full-figured under-wire support.

(Okay, that's a joke. I obviously don't read newspapers.)

And because I'm addicted to fantasy football, I have to read all of it. I memorize names, the rankings, and the depth charts.

And sometimes, I nibble the pages.

And I do all this while my grass whithers in the hot sun and turns brown, because I cannot be bothered to water it or cut it or spray paint it green, like the crazy neighbor two doors down with the black-light posters for drapery and the lawn sculpture made out of Spam.

But today, I have decided to change all that. And I am willing to help you do the same.

So if you have ever battled the urge to yell GREG OLSEN at the top of your lungs while your carpool driver waits for his cappuccino at the drive-thru window of Dunkin' Donuts, or have etched the initials "L.T." into t...

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