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Keep Your Shirt On: Andre Smith Is The Best Tackle In The Draft

Published: April 20, 2009

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Ok, I think that we can all agree that a shirtless Andre Smith looks like Hurley from Lost after bingeing on lard filled Krispy Kremes for a week.

Andre’s physique reminds me of that super tan old lady that tongue kissed the dog in There’s Something About Mary. If you watch his 40 on super slo-mo, Mr. Smith looks like he had a pair of old socks filled with pennies and surgically adhered to his chest. But let’s move past that Bizarro Bo Derek image and move on to his “off-field issues”.

Sure he has not been the most savvy player in navigating the sea of irrelevance that is the pre-draft run up. And yes he was kicked to the curb for inappropriate conduct by Nick friggin’ Saban. I mean Nick Saban telling you are that you’re acting inappropriately is like having Jennifer Aniston tell you you’re “a little needy”. Let’s all agree that Andre has some “off field” issues.

Andre Smith is not the first player to screw the pooch prior to the draft. Warren Sapp, Dan Marino, Randy Moss, and Boomer Esiason headline the list of players that dropped in the draft and still were successful. Like Mr. Smith, those guys either didn’t test well, ran a slow time, interviewed poorly or scored below 20 on the Wonderlich Test.

The Wonderlich Test? Really? Have you ever taken that test? It reads more like the book you owned in fourth grade 101 Riddles and other silly questions. I mean even the name sounds more like the second place finisher in the name-that-safety- maneuver-that-dislodges-chicken-from-your-esophagus than a football acuity test. 

That stuff isn’t what Andre Smith is suppose to be good at. Mike Mamula is good at that stuff. Tony Mandrich looked good with his shirt off. Andre is suppose to be good at protecting the quaterback’s blindside and prior to the NFL combine he was considered the best player in the country at doing just that.

I don’t want to see Andre without a shirt on every again, but there is almost no chance that will ever happen during actual NFL game.