The Best of Chad Ochocinco on Twitter, Volume One [Humor]

Chad Ochocinco has always treated football games as an event and taken pride in entertaining the fans. Whether it be trash-talking with defensive backs or celebrating after a touchdown, there is never a dull moment with the receiver formerly known as Chad Johnson.

With Twitter, Ochocinco has taken it all to a new level. Whether you are looking for inside information about the Cincinnati Bengals, relationship advice, jokes or some new vernacular to try out on your friends, OGOchoCinco is your man.

Here are some of his best.

DMNDS= don’t make no damn sense, when something is awesome you label it dmnds, Halle Berry = dmnds yall get it, now use it in a sentence

360 people, I am offering free a$$whoopings for madden players

Everybody tweet Ryan Seacrest to give Esteban a show, flood his page, Ocho show called Oh No He Didnt!!!

I met the champ, I need to kiss da baby, I met a legend, Ali Ali Ali, roar = crowd going wild, down goes Frazier

Holy shhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Favre came back? Minnesota can kiss da baby, they going to the playoffs!!!

You think Brett will put me in one of those Wrangler Jeans commercials, straight up, year supply of Wranglers for Esteban, awesome

Everybody says that myself or TO is all about attention yall get a Child Please, matter of fact I’m retiring after this year and coming back

I can’t find a damn McDonalds for breakfast, beautiful place without the arch is like having a di#% with no balls!!!!!! WTF!!!

damn damn right, that’s what’s up with the what’s up

I am dead serious, madden gamers in Cincy can yall come over and play me in madden, beating strangers in madden is quick way 2 kill time!

 

Volume Two is coming soon.  Stay tuned.

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Football Takes a Backseat

The Bengals have announced that Vikki Zimmer, wife of defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer, passed away on Thursday.  There was no mention as to what caused the death of Mrs. Zimmer.

Team owner Mike Brown said, “We are stunned and saddened to learn of Vikki’s passing.  She was a warm and popular person in the Bengals family, and our immense respect and affection for Mike makes this especially hard.  Our hearts go out to Mike and his family.”

When you spend as much time together as athletes and coaches do, you become very close.  This tragedy will weigh heavily on the hearts of every member of the Bengals family.

It is not known whether or not Zimmer will coach on Sunday when the Bengals play the Ravens in Baltimore.

Losing a friend or family member is a very difficult thing to deal with.  I cannot begin to imagine what it would be like to lose my wife.  My thoughts and prayers go out to Zimmer and his family.

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Bengals No Longer Flying under the Radar

As I sat down at my desk this morning and pointed my Web browser to NFL.com, a smile developed on my face while looking over the home page. There were headlines about the Cincinnati Bengals, none of which were laced with sarcasm or ridicule.

The Bengals are being taken seriously by the rest of the NFL as a formidable opponent. Their resiliency and team first approach has resulted in a 3-1 record. If it were not for Brandon Stokley’s immaculate deflection in the season opener, the Bengals would be undefeated.

Critics will argue that the Bengals could just as easily be 0-4. I agree. However, the main reason for the winning record is their ability to overcome adversity and perform under pressure. That is something that Bengals fans are not used to seeing.

NFL Network analyst Brian Baldinger considers Marvin Lewis to be one of the league’s best coaches.  

Carson Palmer is not receiving accolades for racking up passing yards. In the tense moments at the end of games, Palmer more resembles “The Fonz” than a player trying to come back from an elbow injury.  

His cool demeanor has impressed his teammates as well.

“He tells us to shut up, and he says we’re going to go down here and score,” Chad Ochocinco said.  “The only thing keeping us going us going is No. 9, man.”

Ochocinco likes to have fun during the week with his Twitter updates, but is completely focused once the game starts. The days of him being upset about not getting the ball or arguing with Palmer about a route seem to be a thing of the past.

An improved running game and strong defense has become replaced the dominating passing attack that was once the Bengals’ main method of operation. That does not mean that the passing game is not still a big part of the offense. The difference is the balance between running and passing, and who those passes are being thrown to.

The selflessness of the team is also being noticed. Lewis has adopted the idea of wearing jerseys during practice with no name on the back to reinforce the idea that they are a team.

Sunday will present another tough challenge as the Bengals travel to Baltimore to battle the Ravens for first place in the AFC North.

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Carson Palmer Talks His Coach into Winning

Carson Palmer deserves a lot of credit for this one.  Facing fourth-and-11 from the Browns 41-yard line with 1:04 left in overtime, Marvin Lewis sent the punt team onto the field, only to call them back to the sideline after some serious lobbying from his quarterback.

Palmer could be seen shouting, “No!  No!”, as he made his way toward the sideline.  He and left tackle Andrew Whitworth were trying to convince their head coach to give the offense a chance to win the game rather than playing for a tie.

It worked.

Palmer dropped back, saw an opening, and ran for the first down.  The Browns had good coverage on the play and did not expect Palmer to run with the football.

It did not appear to be a called play, just a heads-up decision by the Bengals quarterback.

It kept the drive going and set up Shayne Graham for a 31-yard field goal attempt with seven seconds on the clock.  

Normally, a field goal of that distance is no problem for Graham.  But with Shaun Rogers already blocking one field goal and an extra point, my heart was pounding as the field goal unit lined up.

Graham squeezed it through the uprights and the Bengals escaped with a victory.

At first, I was sickened at the fact that Lewis was going to play for the tie.  This blog post would have been quite different if Palmer and Whitworth were not able to change his mind.

I don’t think my spell-checker covers the expletives that my fingers would have forced the keyboard to produce.

Thankfully, it wasn’t an issue.

This game was another example of how the 2009 Bengals are different.  This team does not get discouraged and implode upon themselves.  They fight through adversity and stay focused on the end goal: winning the game.

Palmer’s passes were erratic at times, resulting in him completing just 23 of 44 attempts for 230 yards.  He came up big when he needed to with two touchdown passes, both of which were caught by Chad Ochocinco.

Was it pretty?  No.

Will I take a 3-1 record heading to Baltimore?  Absolutely.

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Cincinnati Bengals Receivers: Ochocinco Has Always Been Numero Uno

The touchdown celebrations, cornerback checklists and plunge into the social media pool has caused many people to think of Chad Ochocinco as an attention-seeking prima donna.  His style and attitude seemed completely opposite from that of former Bengal T.J. Houshmandzadeh, who signed with the Seahawks as a free agent after last year.

Fans in Cincinnati loved the workman-like approach of Houshmandzadeh.  He wasn’t going to burn a defensive back and streak to the end zone for a 70-yard touchdown. But with the reliable, sure-hands of Houshmandzadeh, there was no better option on third and eight.

When it became official that Houshmandzadeh was going to Seattle, I knew we would find out if he could be a No.1 receiver in the NFL.  Opposing defenses would no longer have to focus primarily on Ochocinco.  Houshmandzadeh would be numero uno.

For a Bengals fan, it has been very surprising to see and hear what has unfolded in Seattle.  Before the season, Houshmandzadeh told the Sporting News, “I’ll put up stats I’ve never had before yardswise because they’re allowing me to be a complete receiver.”

That’s fine, I guess.  He is certainly not the first person to take an indirect shot at his former team.  I’ll give him a pass on that one.

There was also the ridiculous declaration that he is, “not playing Madden no more until they get my rating right”.

Last week, Houshmandzadeh said the Chicago Bears were wrong for not pursuing him in free agency and that he would be open “95 percent” of the time in their upcoming game.  He ended up with four catches for 35 yards as the Seahawks fell to the Bears, 25-19.The “sure-handed” receiver also lost a fumble.

The worst part of his performance came in his explanation of why the Bears got the best of him.  Houshmandzadeh told the Chicago Tribune, “But I was open all game.  They just didn’t throw me the ball.”

Child please.

It seems as if Houshmandzadeh is trying to be Ochocinco, but is failing miserably.  His attempts at trash-talk make him look foolish.  That, combined with the lack of production, make him an absolute joke.

As a Bengals fan, I don’t really care if Houshmandzadeh produces in Seattle or not.  I always liked the guy, but it appears as if his true colors are now showing.

These developments have also reinstated the fact that all of Ochocinco’s antics are in good fun or with the best of intentions. This includes wearing a pink mouthpiece, gloves, shoes and wristbands for the entire month of October in support of breast cancer awareness.

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Why I Hate The Pittsburgh Steelers

Over the last year or so, I have really developed an interest in the whole sports writing/blogging thing. I have tried to express my opinions in a professional manner in an attempt to build journalistic integrity. However, for this post, forget all that stuff.

Nobody is forcing you to read this. Consider yourself warned.

I don’t like the Cleveland Browns, but at least I can be cordial if I see someone in a Brady Quinn jersey. We can exchange friendly barbs while maintaining our civility. I don’t know, maybe I feel sorry for a grown man that barks like a dog when his team scores a touchdown.

I hate the pittsburgh steelers.  I can’t even bring myself to capitalize the name.  Why, you ask? Here are a few reasons…

 

History 

Do you realize that the steelers did not win a playoff game until 1972? That is kind of ironic, considering they were founded in 1933. The irony comes in the fact that they began winning when the “juice” started flowing.  

If you don’t think the steelers were using steroids, take that stupid yellow towel and wipe the crap out of your eyes. The number of ex-steelers to die in the last 10 years is remarkable. Many of those have been players from the 1970s with heart problems. Coincidence?  I think not.

 

The Terrible Towel 

Speaking of that stupid yellow towel, is that the best you fools could come up with? Seriously? If you are a man with a job and family who somehow convinced a blind woman to marry you, why do you spend your Sunday waving a snot rag over your head?

A lady (sort of) that sits near me at work has one of those rags hanging in her cube. When I hit the lottery and tell them all to “take this job and shove it,” I swear I am going to blow my nose in that stupid thing on way out the door.

 

The Players 

Ben Worthlessbooger is the most overrated player in the league. He is ugly and I hate him. I thought his looks would improve after smashing his face in the motorcycle accident. Nope.  

I know he has denied the allegations of rape, but I seriously question the thought of any semi-intelligent woman with a decent set of spectacles would want to do the horizontal mambo with him.

Everyone knows that Troy Polamalu looks like Michael Jackson. You know, like a woman. After seeing the stupid shampoo commercial, I now know that he sounds like MJ too. You know, like a woman. I hate him.

I hate Hines Ward. He cries about everything. He is not a good receiver. He is an idiot. I hate him. I would like nothing better than to see Rey Maualuga knock that disgusting smile from his face.  

I don’t want to see anyone get hurt, but I wouldn’t lose any sleep if he got his ugly face rearranged on Sunday.

 

The Hit 

I am not talking about a clean, hard hit on the field.  I am talking about the mafia-style hit that allowed these jerks to beat the Bengals in 2005.  When Kimo Von Imafatpieceofcrap rolled into Carson Palmer’s knee, my hatred of this disgusting franchise grew to a new level.

 

The Fans 

Like I said before, most NFL fans can poke fun at each other at a sports bar and still have a good time. If these idiots are able to actually spit out a coherent thought, it most likely has something to do with the “one for the thumb” phrase they use every five seconds while waving that ridiculous yellow rag.

After they put down there thumb and use their sleeve to wipe the hot sauce off of their face, the corresponding index finger is usually inserted into their nose. They don’t wash their hands after they pee either.

They are the most vile people on the face of the earth. I hate them.

Besides, they don’t even have any cheerleaders. Any woman that would shake her tookus for that team could probably start on the offensive line.

I hate them.

 

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Cincinnati Bengals: Week Two Report Card

Defense: A

Athletes often talk about being “in the zone” when their performance reaches a level not yet conquered. If there is such a place, Antwan Odom was the king of it yesterday, sacking Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers five times. With two sacks last week, Odom is now just one away from his career-high total of eight.

Rookie linebacker Rey Maualuga was also credited with a sack yesterday, the first of his NFL career. The hit caused Rodgers to fumble the ball. Maualuga caused another fumble with a hit on Packers running back Ryan Grant that resulted in a turnover.

The Bengals’ defense continues to impress me more and more. The aggressive style that coordinator Mike Zimmer has implemented is paying off. No longer are we seeing opposing running backs being tackled by safeties on a regular basis. They aren’t getting that far. The defensive line and linebackers are fighting hard on every play.

Green Bay did score 24 points, but two touchdowns were the result of Charles Woodson interceptions. He returned one for a pick six and another to the Bengals’ 11, setting up a touchdown.

 

Offense: B

It is hard to find fault with a team that goes to Lambeau Field and puts up 31 points.

Cedric Benson ran for 141 yards behind an offensive line that created holes. Benson showed agility and explosiveness that will be a tremendous asset shall it continue. The running game allowed the Bengals to control the clock, keeping the ball for nearly 34 minutes.

Chad Ochocinco made good on his promise to do the Lambeau Leap if he scored a touchdown. Ochocinco wisely found some Bengals fans conveniently sitting in the front row and chose them to share in the celebration. Whether or not they were planted there is up for debate.

Carson Palmer made two bad decisions on the passes that were picked off by Woodson. He did throw three touchdown passes, one each for Laveranues Coles, Chris Henry, and Ochocinco.

You cannot have offensive penalties in the red zone and expect to win on a consistent basis. However, despite the penalties, the Bengals were 4-for-4 in red zone efficiency yesterday.

 

Special Teams: B

Rookie Quan Cosby had punt returns of 60 and 32 yards. The 60-yard return was the longest by a Bengal since Peter Warrick returned a punt 68 yards for a touchdown in 2003 against the Chiefs.

Punter Kevin Huber, another rookie, averaged 46.3 yards on four punts yesterday, including a 61-yarder that put the Packers on their own 15-yard line with 4:02 left in the game.

The only reason for not giving the special teams unit an A was because of the near heart attack they caused by not recovering Green Bay’s onside kick with 44 seconds left in the game. The Packers were able to get to the Bengals’ 10-yard line but ran out of time.

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The Fall of Troy: With Polamalu’s Injury, Do You Believe in Madden Curse Now?

Every year, video gamers of all ages eagerly await the launch of the latest John Madden football game. The game has amazingly evolved over the years, always taking advantage of cutting-edge technology.

When first developed, the game was known as John Madden Football, with the big guy himself gracing the cover of the packaging. In 2001, the box art began featuring an action shot of a current NFL player.

The Madden Curse refers to the injury or poor performance that usually happens to said player. Do you think I am crazy? Let’s take a look…

Begin Slideshow

AFC North: 2009 No-Huddle Preview

With Carson Palmer at quarterback, a rejuvenated Chad Ochocinco, an improved defense, and Chris Henry staying out of trouble, the Cincinnati Bengals hope to make a run at the top spot in the AFC North.

The Bengals have not hidden the fact they are going to incorporate the running game much more frequently than in previous years. However, the fate of this team rides on the shoulders of its starting quarterback.

If Carson Palmer can stay healthy, the Bengals have a chance to make a lot of noise in the AFC. If he goes down early, Cincinnati fans could be in for another long season.

How do the Bengals match up with the rest of the AFC North? Let’s take a look…

The Baltimore Ravens were one of three teams that finished the preseason undefeated. The Ravens have always been known for their defense, but with Rex Ryan now the head coach of the Jets, they will be forced to make adjustments.

Linebacker Terrell Suggs has missed some time with a heel injury, but appears to be ready for the regular season.

With Reggie Kelly out for the season, the Bengals will need some personnel to step up and protect Palmer. If the Ravens continue their blitzing ways, Palmer could go over the top and pick them apart…if he has enough time.

Cleveland Browns head coach Eric Mangini is not revealing who his starting quarterback will be to begin the season. Personally, I don’t think it matters. Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson are not that much different as far as style goes, and neither is all that spectacular.

Browns’ rookie tailback James Davis was the team’s leading rusher in the preseason.  If the Bengals can shut him down, the Browns should not present much of a problem.

In Palmer’s last seven games against the Browns, he has lost only once. He threw six touchdown passes in that game.

The Pittsburgh Steelers are the defending Super Bowl champions and are returning 19 of 22 starters. Their defense had quite the preseason, allowing a league-low 37 points.

A lot of attention is being paid to Stefan Logan and his kick-returning abilities, and rightfully so. He answered any questions about whether or not he belonged on Pittsburgh’s roster with an 80-yard punt return for a touchdown against Carolina.

You cannot give the Steelers points on turnovers or kick returns. If you want to beat them, make their offense put points on the board.

I would like nothing more than to see Hines Ward get blasted coming over the middle before having to wipe away his tears with one of those terrible towels.

 

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Cincinnati Bengals Season Preview: Offense

The Cincinatti Bengals’ offense was the worst in the NFL last season. At times, it was flat-out painful to even watch. Much of that can be attributed to quarterback Carson Palmer missing 12 games with an injured elbow.  

Can the Bengals rebound and become the offensive juggernaut they were several years ago?

 

Quarterbacks

Palmer’s elbow is strong, healthy and not a concern. However, he has not fully participated in practice in about two weeks because of a sprained ankle. He says the ankle is getting stronger, but it is still up in the air on whether or not he will see action in the final preseason game against Indianapolis.

The backup quarterback spot has greatly improved with J.T. O’Sullivan in place of Ryan Fitzpatrick. The fate of this team will be directly related to the health of Palmer, but O’Sullivan has shown that he can be a serviceable backup.  

Jordan Palmer will be the third-string quarterback.

 

Offensive Line
The Bengals’ offensive line gave up 51 sacks last year. That simply cannot happen if this team wants to be successful. They have already surrendered 11 this preseason, but only two by the starters.  

The offense is averaging 4.3 yards per carry this preseason. If that can carry over into the games that count, it would be a welcomed improvement from years past.

The Bengals have finally agreed to a deal with top draft pick Andre Smith. He has a lot of catching-up to do. I would expect him to begin the season backing up Anthony Collins.

 

Running Backs

The Bengals have pledged to emphasize the running game this year. Cedric Benson is a good, straight-ahead runner that has good acceleration once he hits the hole. If the offensive line can make a hole, he has a chance to be successful.  

Brian Leonard has shown to be a smart, reliable professional who can catch the ball out of the backfield. He should see a lot of third-down action. The coaches also seem to like rookie Bernard Scott, who rushed for 54 yards last week against the Rams.

 

Receivers
Chad Ochocinco is looking to rebound from a season in which he missed the Pro Bowl for the first time in six years. He appears to be rejuvenated, recharged and ready to show the rest of the NFL that he still has it.  

T.J. Houshmandzadeh is gone, so former New York Jet Laveranues Coles will line up opposite Ochocinco.

Chris Henry is the most talented receiver on the team. If he can continue to stay on the field and out of trouble, it would provide Palmer with a tremendous weapon down field.

Ochocinco, Coles, Henry, and Andre Caldwell provide the Bengals with a strong receiving corps.

The tight end position has taken some hits in the preseason. Reggie Kelly ruptured his Achilles tendon in the first practice and is out for the year. Ben Utecht suffered the fifth concussion of his career and has been out of action.  

Many question whether or not Utecht will ever play again. Daniel Coats and rookie Chase Coffman will need to step up and replace the injured veterans.

 

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