AFC South FIGHT CLUB: Coaches Edition

Projections, previews and predictions are all great things. When awaiting the slow approach of football season, they are almost sacred in how they sustain us and save us from the drab inundation of 4-hour baseball games.

But sometimes all this analysis can cause paralysis. There is a tendency for some articles to be a little formulaic and vague.

Like Michael Corleone, what I want…what’s most important to me is that we become liberated from generic analysis. Which is why I wanted to comparatively analyze the AFC South coaches, FIGHT CLUB style.

Hooray For Hollywood’s Insight When Predicting the NFC East

When prognosticating, many presume that unlocking the code of predictionary success is delved from a combination of science + wisdom + logic. Sadly, this is not so.

I’ve found that successful prognostication can be found in a much more abstract domain: TV/movie comparisons. Picking a character that most accurately reflects a team’s roster and overall personality is the key to success in your predictions of the future season.

With that being said, what follows is a look at the NFC East teams and which fictional characters they most resemble.

Is Vince Young the NFL’s Version of Britney Spears?

Over the past year, there have been many detractors lamenting the flaws of Vince Young. From his attitude, to his fragility, all the way to his intelligence, there has been no shortage of material in support of why he has been failed to meet the amply-sized expectations that came with his selection in the ’06 draft.

The slow burn of a bust is hardly new ground in the NFL, though. Every franchise bears the scarring of the draft process. Some, like the Colts, have small scars hidden from the naked eye. Others, like the Raiders, have massive keloid scarring that makes Seal’s face look smooth in comparison.

To be fair, the jury is still out on Young. While many are eager to prematurely assign him bust status, the preliminary evidence seems to suggest that this is merely a stage in the metamorphosis of his career.

Delve deep enough and you can spot a precedent for Young’s current status in the music industry. Connoisseurs of pop culture should immediately recognize the similarities between Young’s career and a certain singer named Spears.

On the surface, Vince Young and Britney appear to be two completely different commodities within their respective industries: One is a pro athlete playing the QB position, and the other is a musician with two kids.

Young’s peak moment was vanquishing Pete Carroll’s dynastic USC in the ’06 Rose Bowl. Spears’ peak was tongue-kissing Madonna at the ’03 VMAs. See? Both shocking events that symbolized, if just for a moment, the usurpation of more established icons.

While it is true that both individuals reside in completely different spots along the spectrum, they are oddly similar in the trajectories of their careers, as both rose quickly and yet fell just as precipitously.

Below, we examine three facts that link these two together.

 

FACT NO. 1: Both used their sex appeal to achieve superstardom.

I think we can all agree that the schoolgirl outfit and other strategically constructed costumes are common threads in the modern male’s perception of sex appeal.

But before you dismiss the similarities in my definition of sex appeal, consider this: Would the average Texas Longhorn fanatic prefer a music video featuring a girl in a white spandex spacesuit or a two-touchdown beatdown of Oklahoma at the Red River Shootout? Be honest.

Suddenly sex appeal isn’t so clear, is it?

With that being said, Vince Young’s athleticism is his sex appeal. Just as Britney’s sex appeal caused everyone to overlook her inherent flaws (mediocre voice, mind-numbingly simple songs, etc.), Young’s freakish athleticism caused most of us to overestimate his potential as an NFL QB.

We believed that his ability to evade and run away from opponents would translate seamlessly to the NFL. It didn’t.

What did happen was infinitely more disappointing, as Young struggled to grasp the leap in overall athleticism among NFL defenses. The very expectations that hyped him served as the gasoline that inflamed the discontent of his performance.

FACT NO. 2: Both overestimated the realities of their talents and suffered a stunning fall from prominence.

Consider the parallels: Who can forget the pictures of Britney shaving her head, or the buzz cut that shrouded the fiendish look on her face when she attacked the paparazzi outside her house?
 
Similarly, how strange was the manhunt for Vince Young amid allegations of suicidal thoughts? Neither of these events was coincidental because they were symptoms of a deeper turmoil.

The ease of success, though nice, often comes at the price of appreciation. Both Young and Britney erupted in the face of struggle because of their inability to handle failure. The propensity for success, combined with unrealistically high expectations, created a turbulent atmosphere that overwhelmed them both.

FACT NO. 3: Both rebounded and regained footing as solid and respectable artists.

This fact is actually conjecture, as it only relates to Britney—for now.

She got tangled up with K-Fed, birthed two kids, enmeshed herself with a litany of lecherous personalities, and struggled with her weight—yet she still managed to regain her popularity.

Though cataclysmically poor decision-making and perpetually stained Cheeto fingers plagued her throughout this time of tumult, she was still able to rehabilitate her image and return to the stage as a legitimate artist.

Though Young is currently still in the wilderness, the Titans can find solace in knowing that all is not lost.

While it is true that he has virtually bankrupted himself of all the credibility gained by hand-delivering a national championship to Austin, he still retains the same arsenal of physical skills.

Outside of a few lapses in judgment, there have been no profoundly stupid or life-altering incidents that may compromise his ability to play football, and he’s not even one year removed from being benched.

Whether the Titans choose to stash him on the bench, hope Kerry Collins stays healthy, and cut ties with Young after this season is anyone’s guess, but to close the book on Young right now would be foolish, given his unique skill set.

Why not give Young a chance to offer a Wildcat look? With the Titan offense already being the weak link, why not at least diversify the looks and get a little return on your investment?

The NFL is clearly moving towards a style of play where the standard demographic of each position is becoming more blurred than it is defined.

It began with the emergent 3-4 defense and the melding of the DE and LB positions, and it continues with the evolution of the quarterback. The white, statuesque, cannon-armed quarterbacks are dying out, as offensive coordinators seek to increase the efficiency of an offense’s versatility.

While there may be a tendency to want to write Young off and cast him into the same heap as Ryan Leaf, Tim Couch, and JaMarcus Russell (oh wait, can we do that yet?), the Titans would be wise to recalibrate their expectations of Young and take advantage of his talents.

If not, they’ll be forced to watch as another franchise reaps the reward of his rebirth.

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