Try NFL Sport Channel Seach:
Selected searches:
NFL Football Players Draft Injuries Rookies Season Superbowl
Items by Jimbo
Tennessee Titan LenDale White Begins New Diet, Gains Seventeen Pounds (Satire)
Published: July 2, 2009
No Comments
Still smarting from a critical fumble in a playoff loss last January, and hoping to be seen as more than just a short-yardage runner, Tennessee Titans running back LenDale White began a self-imposed regimen of diet and exercise last week and promptly put on seventeen pounds.
Never known for cutting back, either on the field or in the buffet line, the portly player was asked how the extra weight might have been acquired.
“It’s all this new muscle mass, baby!” White said between bites of turkey leg. “Hey, check out these guns!”
Team trainers were less impressed with the rotund runners’ new eating habits.
“All I can say,” long-time assistant trainer Earl Franks chuckled, “is that if LenDale keeps dieting like this, I’m going to have to let out his pants by August.”
Even Titans head coach Jeff Fisher seemed a bit skeptical of his running back’s new training program, going so far as to imply that the whale-like White might be responsible for the team’s mixed-breed terrier and unofficial mascot, “Lucky,” going missing.
“I hate to accuse anyone,” said the mustachioed field manager, “but no one else on the team has ever left a trail of dog biscuits leading to their locker. And he does love Korean food.”
“He really said that?” asked White while wiping his greasy mouth with a bath towel. “But I loved that dog! In fact, I think the team should chip in and get another one.”
“Or maybe three.”
“And a llama.”
Mark Sanchez Selects “Reese’s Pieces” from Jets’ Vending Machine
Published: June 23, 2009
No Comments
Today, in the presence of several awestruck New York Jets coaches and teammates, future Hall of Famer Mark Sanchez gave an impressive demonstration of his decisiveness and incredible hand-eye coordination by selecting a fun-sized bag of Hershey’s Reece’s Pieces candies from the Jets’ snack machine.
Making the event even more incredible, Sanchez’s selection took place just seconds after a trainer had purchased the vending machine’s last bag of Andy Capp’s Hot Pub Fries, a known favorite of the photogenic and well-spoken quarterback.
“It’s really no big deal,” said the affable NFL star through an appealing grin. “Gosh, we had hundreds of vending machines at USC, so you can believe me when I tell you that this kind of thing happened there all the time. It’s nothing new to me. I pride myself on being prepared.”
“What’s most impressive to me,” said Rex Ryan, new Jets head coach and no small fan of the chestnut-locked signal-caller, “is the lack of fanfare. This young man just goes about his business in such a professional, skilled and saviour-of-the-franchise-like manner, that it’s hard to fathom where this team would be without him. Heck, where this league would be without him.”
One eyewitness to the event claimed that the exact change used to purchase the candy-coated confection was a nickel, three dimes and a half-dollar, a surprise in this day of flashy bills and platinum credit cards.
When asked to confirm that fact, the greatest player in the NFL gave a wry smile. “I’m not a flashy kind of guy. At least, not until the fourth quarter.”
Ripples from the day’s remarkable events carried well into the evening as Jets trainer Earl Codgewell was still talking about them several hours later.
“I had no idea those Pub Fries were Mark’s, I mean Mr. Sanchez’s, favorite snack,” said a visibly shaken Codgewell.
The 60-year-old trainer carried a shoe box filled with personal mementos and a framed photograph of his grandchildren out the backdoor of the training facility as he choked back what this reporter could only assume were tears of joy from having come so close to the world’s most amazing athlete.
“As I told Coach Ryan,” he sobbed, “had I known it, I would have given them up to the kid. Heck, I still got half a bag if he wants ’em. I STILL GOT HALF A BAG IF YOU WANT ‘EM!”
A little while later, Mark Sanchez, quarterback, poster-boy and hero to a universe, finally left the Jets’ training facility and got ready to make his way home.
But not before giving his fans one more glimpse of his easy-going yet inspirational character.
“You know,” he said with a boyish twinkle in his eye. “Maybe next time I’ll mix it up a little. I haven’t had a Fig Newton in ages.”
