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The Sports Retorter: Pick Arizona to Beat Green Bay on Sunday

Published: January 8, 2010

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Dear God or Roger Goodell (whichever one of you controls the outcomes in the NFL),

Please pick the Cardinals to beat the Packers this Sunday.

There are plenty of reasons I think they should win the game.

Their defense is better than it was last season and showed a new found ability to put pressure on opposing quarterbacks—they finished sixth in the NFL in total sacks compared to 20th last year—that should help slow down the Packers potent passing attack.

The Cardinals’ special teams is vastly superior to the Packers.

Place kicker Neil Rackers even at 75 percent is better than the Packers’ Mason Crosby at 150 percent.

Crosby missed nine field goals this season and was a paltry 6-of-13 from 40 yards or longer. Rackers on the other hand only missed one field goal this season and hit 6-of-7 from beyond 40 yards. With two talented teams, a close game is likely and a field goal could make the difference.

Not to mention Rackers is the master of onside kicks and has a booming leg on kickoffs to make sure the Packers start with poor field position.

Speaking of special teams and field position, how about the punters?

No matter what the NFL and its fans say, the Cardinals’ Ben Graham was a Pro Bowler this season. I mean the man tied Andy Lee’s NFL record with 42 punts inside the 20-yard line this season (not that I need to tell you that, you know everything).

Green Bay punter Jeremy Kapinos’ kicks saw the inside of the opponents twenty about as often as the St. Louis Rams offense. He ranked dead last (just please don’t resurrect his season this weekend).

Offensively, they are pretty evenly matched, as long as you don’t look at rushing statistics.

Both offensives have the ability to move the ball down the field at a break neck pace. Though, the Cardinals do have two advantages. Larry Fitzgerald ’s amazing big game ability and Kurt Warner’s playoff experience (don’t forget, he’s a big fan of yours if that helps).

Warner has played in eleven playoff games, with an impressive 8-3 record. Aaron Rodgers first playoff appearance will come Sunday.

Then there’s the battle of head coaches. Ken Whisenhunt won a Super Bowl as an assistant coach with Pittsburgh and has turned the Cardinals from laughing stocks to contenders. That’s nothing short of a miracle (you like those right?). I’ll take his ability over McCarthy’s any day of the week and twice this Sunday.

Mix all those reasons together with the fact that the Cardinals are playing in front of their home crowd—a snow storm in Wisconsin that stops all flights from late Friday to Sunday night could go a long way to helping that advantage—and you have enough reason, in my mind, for the Cardinals to win.

I know it’s probably not a strong enough argument to convince someone of your greatness and wisdom so here’s another reason.

You can save everyone in the world from having to deal with a week worth of “Brett Favre’s former team and his replacement stand in the way of his quest for a Super Bowl!”

Even you have to be sick of hearing about the “greatness of Brett Favre”. If we were to believe the media, he can walk on water (which I thought was a special talent you reserved for special people). The only quarterback to receive more praise from announcers is Tim Tebow, and at least he’s wearing eye black that recognizes you.

The happiness of millions of people not located in Bristol Connecticut and Green Bay ride on this game. No need to punish everyone right?

Thanks for taking the time to listen to my argument. Any help you can give his much appreciated (like healing Anquan Boldin). I don’t think the Cards need it but apparently most of the “experts” do.

Sincerely,

The Sports Retorter

PS. I think a score of 31-28 sounds about right, if it’s not too much to ask.

(Originally posted on Phoenix.Fanster.com)

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Success of Arizona Cardinals Season Doesn’t Rest on Sunday’s Outcome

Published: January 8, 2010

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It seems that some Cardinals fans have become the equivalent of spoiled rich L.A. teenagers.

No, they haven’t been given their own reality show or a spread in Playboy, although some of them may be named Spencer and Heidi. And no need to worry, the closest they’ve gotten to wearing Chanel or Prada is their $125 Kurt and Fitz jerseys.

Don’t be fooled, though, these two groups share a common bond.

Last year, these Cardinal fans were given the gift of a lifetime (think: winning the lottery the same day you married the hottest person you know). They were the recipients of three great playoff victories and one amazing Super Bowl week.

They were lavished with praise, attention, and a new higher status on the NFL food chain (depending on which expert you talked to).

Instead of being grateful for what they’d been treated too, this group of fans grew a sense of entitlement and expectation. Feeling that one great playoff run meant that anything less than a deep playoff run this year would be uncivilized (pardon me, but do you happen to have any grey matter?).

Raising expectations is acceptable but it has to be based in some sense of reality. That is, of course, unless you are a Cowboys fan.

Most fans, like myself, remember our Cardinal heritage.

We remember the 20-plus years we spent wandering the desert. We remember the leaders like Buddy Ryan and Denny Green who promised salvation but managed only disappointment. We remember when success was judged by not finishing last in the division. We remember how an 8-8 season was a big deal and a wild-card appearance in the playoffs was earth shattering.

Years of expecting four wins has offered perspective. The success of the Cardinals season doesn’t rest on a victory versus the Green Bay Packers Sunday.

Do we want the Cardinals to go back to the Super Bowl and win it? Yes. Do we need it to validate a season that Cardinals fans haven’t seen since St. Louis in 1976? No.

A 10-win season is something most fans would have sold their souls for three seasons ago (by the way, I’m still not regretting that decision). In years past, hoping for back-to-back division titles would have just been greedy.

If the pain we all suffered at the hands of previous Cardinals teams has taught us anything it should be this, enjoy the ride.

Come Sunday, win or lose, fans should be excited by what the team has accomplished in the past two years, and the new image that is beginning to take hold.

Like the rich teenager, no matter how much fans were spoiled last year they aren’t entitled to anything. Just ask followers of the Seattle Seahawks.

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Cardinals-Packers Playoff Opener is Sold Out, But is that a Good Thing?

Published: January 7, 2010

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The Cardinals playoff opener against the Green Bay Packers has officially sold out. Whether that’s a good thing is yet to be seen.

Everyone has talked about the health of Anquan Boldin, Calais Campbell, and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie as keys to the game. They’ve pontificated about the psychological edge the Packers may have based on the fact that they have beaten the Cards twice this season at University of Phoenix Stadium. They’ve compared the Packers great finish to the Cardinals lackluster one.

They’ve talked about every possible factor in this game except the most important one.

Will University of Phoenix Stadium look like me after too many hours in the sun—all red—or will it resemble the condiment tray near the hot dog stand with relish, mustard, and ketchup? As a matter of fact, can we ban relish, mustard, and cheese from the game completely?

It may seem inconsequential, but the Cardinals have fed off the energy of their home crowd since Ken Whisenhunt became coach in 2007. They are 16-8 at home with him at the helm.

Without the completely pro-Cardinal crowd in both home playoff games last year, those close games easily could have gone in favor of the Falcons or Eagles.

Everyone knows the Packers fans are willing to travel to road games (I mean really, would you want to be in Green Bay if you didn’t have to be?). If the two games between these teams have taught us anything, outside of the fact that Green Bay likes to win meaningless games, it’s that there are a lot of Packer-backers willing to show up in Glendale.

It’s such a serious subject that the Phoenix Business Journal talked to Southwest Airlines, who said their direct flight from Milwaukee to Phoenix on Friday is booked (they also said they’ve seen an uptick on their Chicago to Phoenix flights, so there may just be a beer and brats fest at the convention center).

Even Cardinals’ stud defensive end Darnell Dockett realizes the importance of the home crowd. He expressed as much on his Twitter page.

“Damn! Green bay fans ROLLS DEEP! OMG I hope they don’t take over our stadium! I knew we had disloyal fans that would sell there tickets-SMH!” (Pardon the grammatical mistakes, they are far worse than the ones you are used to in my pieces).

Forget Mike McCarthy and Ken Whisenhunt’s game plans, forget the nagging injuries, and you can definitely forget any supposed psychological advantage Green Bay has with their two previous wins on the Cards’ home turf. But there is one thing that could swing the balance in Sundays playoff game.

Is the stadium red, or is it full of cheddar heads?

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