BREAKING NEWS: Bleacher Report Writer Reads ESPN.com, ‘Breaks Story’

LOSERVILLE, U.S.–According to sources, Bleacher Report writer Andrew Deveny (pictured) broke a story about an athlete based on information found at ESPN.com. Though he used no actual journalistic reporting skills to break the story, he still takes pride in his writings.

“I kept clicking the refresh button on ESPN.com and there it was,” Deveny said. “Something new. So I quickly logged on to Bleacher Report and regurgitated the information I read on ESPN and pretended it was my own story.

“I was the first to post this story on Bleacher Report.”

After Deveny submitted his article, “editors,” as they’re called at Bleacher Report, revised his story. B/R “editors” aren’t required to have actual formal training on how to edit, but as long as they claim to have read the B/R editor’s manual, they are free to hack a story into pieces, often incorrectly hyphenating words and adding other grammatical errors to the story. In fact, the only thing the “editors” seem to be able to accomplish is adding em dashes to a story.

Once Deveny’s story was published, he immediately began posting the link to his story on the profile pages of hundreds of B/R community members, asking them to read his poorly-written story that offers no insight whatsoever. He also requested that the B/R members comment on the story.

“If my story can get a lot of reads and comments then I’ll be writing for the New York Times in no time,” Deveny said. “Because that’s what matters most in the world of journalism – the amount of hits your work on Bleacher Report gets.”

Deveny admitted he wasn’t being paid for his services, but contested that B/R does reward writers that provide the most copy by giving them rankings, though he couldn’t adequately explain the relevance of being ranked.

Finally, when asked why someone would visit a secondary source such as B/R that produces second-rate, watered-down amateur content instead of visiting a site of professional reporters with real inside information, such as ESPN.com, he became agitated.

“Shut up,” he said. “I’m a reporter, dammit.”

BR EXCLUSIVE: Falcons’ Holdout Dilemma Ends Happily

FLOWERY BRANCH, Ga.–The mischievous looks on the faces of Atlanta Falcons towel boy Andrew Deveny and his agent Nathan Krohn tell the story: Deveny’s holdout over a contract dispute is not only over, but he came out on the winning end. By far.

Deveny (pictured back and center), who was named to the Falcons’ towel boy staff last week, agreed to a deal Saturday night that will pay him $13 an hour. As was previously reported on Bleacher Report, the Falcons initially offered Deveny $10 an hour, but Krohn demanded at least $12.

After a series of hard-line negotiations, Krohn was able to get even more.

“At first, I told them I wanted $12 an hour and they agreed,” Krohn said. “But they agreed too easily. So I said, ‘Nevermind, I want $12.25,’ and they started to get mad, but reluctantly agreed to meet the price an hour later. This process went on for five hours until they cracked at $13.”

Representatives for the Falcons declined to comment for this story.

Deveny, 27 years old, will report to Flowery Branch on Sunday and begin handing out towels immediately. His holdout lasted eight days.

“Me and my family are just glad this is over,” said Deveny, who practiced handing towels to his older brothers Clay and Matt during his holdout. “I look forward to toweling the Falcons all the way to the Super Bowl.”

The addition of Deveny to the towel boy staff solidifies a rotation that was previously undermanned. During Deveny’s holdout, the staff had trouble distributing towels to players during practice, resulting in players’ poor performance, injuries and in one case, death.

“One player tried to lean against a post, but his sweaty palms caused him to slip and hit his head,” a team source said. “He fractured his skull and died in the hospital.

“He wasn’t very good though.”

 

 

 

BR EXCLUSIVE: Deveny’s Experience, Abilities Win Him Job Over Vickers

 

The Atlanta Falcons: A Franchise Built on Losing

What’s going to stop the Atlanta Falcons from a winning season in 2009? Something – that’s a given. Back-to-back winning seasons aren’t anything this franchise wants any part of. The trend of losing goes back to the team’s beginnings in 1966, but a look at Atlanta’s recent history offers the team no hope whatsoever this season.

 

Let’s start with 1999. The “Dirty Birds” were coming off their only Super Bowl appearance via what I like to call “The Fluke at the Metrodome,” a ridiculous win over the 16-1 Vikings they had no business winning, as they would later prove in a lopsided loss to the Broncos in the Super Bowl. But with a 14-2 regular season finish in ’98, the expectations were high for the new season.

 

So what happened? Jamal Anderson, the workhorse running back who set an NFL record for carries in a season, tears his ACL in the second game of the season after a long preseason holdout due to a contract dispute. Bye-bye birdies, enjoy your 5-11 record.

 

Atlanta wouldn’t see another winning season until 2002, when they went 9-6, backed into the playoffs and beat Green Bay in a Wild Card game to give the Packers their first ever playoff loss at Lambeau Field. The Birds appeared to be a team on the rise with young quarterback Michael Vick, so what would 2003 bring?

 

Absolutely nothing. Vick broke his leg in a preseason game and missed 11 regular season games and Atlanta finished 5-11.

 

Then there was 2004. The Falcons finished with an 11-5 record, won the NFC South division title and earned a trip to the NFC Championship game. That’s some serious momentum right there. Bring on 2005.

 

Oh wait, never mind. The Falcons finished 8-8 and the steady decline of Vick begins until it ends with him in a federal penitentiary.

 

That brings us to 2008’s 11-5 record for the revamped Birds. Consider the team’s success a total fluke thanks to a weak schedule and a once-in-a-decade draft pick in Matt Ryan. The team couldn’t even take advantage of the lowly Arizona Cardinals in the playoffs, losing to the 9-7 team that ended up in the Super Bowl.

 

What will 2009 hold for Atlanta? Well, for starters, the league’s third toughest schedule. One can only imagine what other horrible things will happen to the Falcons this year to prevent a winning season. But I’ll go ahead and be the one to imagine…

 

Ryan’s grand theft auto ring gets exposed after his cousin is pulled over in a stolen car with meth in it. Coach Mike Smith leaves the team in the middle of the night to accept the head coaching job at the University of Georgia. Finally, Tony Gonzalez retires to pursue “Dancing with the Stars.”

 

And that’s exactly how it’s going to go down. The Falcons aren’t going to have a winning season. In fact, they’ll match Detroit’s 0-16 record.

Atlanta Falcons: Meet the Coaching Staff

The new coaching regime in Atlanta, which took over in 2008, knows football. Need proof? Just look at the Falcons’ turnaround from a 4-12 season in 2007 to finish with an 11-5 record last season.

Here’s a look at a few of the many coaches that make the Atlanta Falcons work, including head coach Mike Smith, defensive coordinator Brian VanGorder, offensive coordinator Mike Mularkey, assistant coach and secondary coach Emmitt Thomas and quarterbacks coach Bill Musgrave.

Atlanta Falcons: “Inspector Gadget” Has New Toy in Gonzalez

Mike Mularkey is going to have a field day in the 2009 NFL football season.

Mularkey, entering his second season as Atlanta Falcons offensive coordinator, is coming off a year in which he transformed a team that finished 29th in the league in 2007 (16.2 points per game) to sixth in the league in 2008 (24.4 PPG). And he accomplished the boost in scoring with a rookie quarterback, an unproven receiving corps and a first-year starter at running back.

He is the master of scheming the perfect game plan for whatever personnel he has, earning the nickname “Inspector Gadget” from his days as offensive coordinator with the Pittsburgh Steelers (2001-03).

In Pittsburgh, he turned mobile quarterback Kordell Stewart into a Pro Bowler. He drew up trick plays for receivers Hines Ward and Antwaan Randle El in which they’d throw the ball downfield. In fact, Randle El’s 43-yard touchdown pass to Hines Ward against Seattle in Super Bowl XL came from the same playbook Mularkey – who had left the Steelers by then to coach the Bills – helped develop.

Now, as a member of the Falcons’ staff, he’s got tightend and future hall-of-famer Tony Gonzalez to work with.

Gonzalez is statistically the best receiving tight end in the history of the league, owner of four NFL all-time tight end records. Though it won’t be an issue for Mularkey, he will have to adjust his playbook for Gonzalez, because Mularkey’s offensive schemes have always used the tight end position to block for the run game. In fact, he ran a lot of double-tightend I-formation plays last year for the purpose of having extra blockers.

But based on Mularkey’s track record to work with the talent he has around him, drawing up packages that include passes to Gonzalez won’t be a problem. But it will be the most significant change you’ll see in the Falcons’ offense in 2009.

From this point forward, opposing defenses will have even more of a hard time deciphering if the Falcons are going to run or pass. Add in Matt Ryan’s ability to execute the no-huddle offense and the Falcons will further be able to use Gonzalez to exploit the defense.

Last season, Ryan threw for 3,440 passing yards, 16 touchdowns (to just 11 interceptions), completed 61.1-percent of his passes, and finished with a quarterback rating of 87.7. His main weapons were Roddy White, Michael Jenkins, and occasionally Harry Douglas and Jerious Norwood.

Ryan threw to three tight ends – Ben Hartstock, Justin Peelle and Jason Rader – who combined for just 19 of Ryan’s 265 completions and caught just two touchdown passes.

In comparison, last year with Kansas City Tony Gonzalez led all NFL tight ends in receptions (96), receiving yards (1,058) and touchdowns (10). And he put those monster numbers up with the Chiefs going through four sub-par quarterbacks (Tyler Thigpen, Damon Huard, Brodie Croyle, and Quinn Gray).

Needless to say, the Falcons have added a new dimension to Ryan’s passing game.

Adding Gonzalez into the mix with playmakers Ryan, White, Jenkins and Douglas in the passing game, along with Michael Turner and Norwood in the run game, and Mularkey has enough weapons to take over the league – in theory, of course.

One thing is certain – Mularkey won’t use the tight end position primarily to block in the run game anymore. At least not as long as Gonzalez is around.

Where Do the “Dirty Birds” Stand in the “Dirty (NFC) South”?

Last season, it took a John Kasay game-winning field goal with six seconds left in Week 17 for the Carolina Panthers (12-4) to edge out the Atlanta Falcons (11-5 with the tie-breaker edge over Carolina) for the NFC South division title. The divison featured no losing teams, with Tampa Bay finishing 9-7 and New Orleans 8-8.

Will this be the year the “Dirty Birds” break through?

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