Pete Carroll Is Seattle’s Jack Parkman

“You know I used to hate Parkman when he was with the A’s. It’s amazing how a new uniform can change your attitude about a guy….He’s still a dick.” —Harry Doyle, Major League II

Upon hearing the news that the Seahawks have selected USC’s Pete Carroll to be their next head coach, I couldn’t help but reminisce about a particular scene from the movie Major League II .

In the first few minutes of the film, a couple of hardcore Cleveland Indians fans are hanging out when a buddy of theirs comes running on screen and delivers a dose of good news:

Fan #1: Guys! Guys! We signed Jack Parkman!

Fan #2: Parkman? We signed Parkman! Alright!

Fan #3: Hey, you can add 42 homers to our lineup! At least!

Fan #2: Guys, this is the year we go all the way!

(Chanting in unison): All the way! All the way!

For those who haven’t seen the movie, the euphoria surrounding Parkman’s arrival is short-lived.

Though he’s a superstar player who has had success in his previous stops, Parkman never quite pans out with the hometown Indians, and the team cuts bait with their high-priced investment a short time later.

Interestingly enough, Parkman is painted as a villain prior to his arrival, a hero upon arriving, and a villain once again after departing.

The reason I bring this comparison up has everything to do with the circumstances surrounding Carroll’s hiring, which happens to mirror the Indians’ signing of the fictional Parkman to an absolute tee.

Carroll, like Parkman, is seen as a villain. People hate him because he’s been ridiculously successful at USC, while enduring the constant nature of scandal throughout his tenure. There’s no denying his pedigree, but the controversy surrounding his methods have often been viewed as a blemish on his record (see Reggie Bush and Joe McKnight for examples).

At USC, Carroll has been the enemy of Seattle sports fans for nearly a decade. Whether you support the University of Washington, Washington State University, or another Northwest institution, chances are you haven’t thought much of the Trojans’ figurehead in recent years.

In one day, however, Carroll goes from being the bad guy to the hero.

The answer to all the Seahawks’ problems (or so we’re led to believe), Carroll is set to receive a five-year contract worth somewhere around $35 million. He will become the team’s head coach, as well as the president, wielding a great deal of power within the organization.

How are we really supposed to feel about all this?

Undoubtedly, some of us will react the way the fans in the movie do.

So what if the guy was the enemy a day ago? He has a track record, and he’s one of us now. Nothing else matters. We should embrace that. But for certain there will be those of us who can’t quite stomach this hiring, for any number of reasons.

Carroll hasn’t coached in the NFL for 11 years, we’re paying him too much ($7 million a year is too much, let’s face it), and there are more proven coaches (Bill Cowher, Jon Gruden) still without jobs.

On top of that, the velocity of the transition from Jim Mora to Carroll can not go unnoticed. In a matter of minutes, the team went from having a head coach (Mora), to firing their head coach, to having a new coach already in their sights (Carroll). All of which leads us to believe that the team had Carroll pegged as the successor from the moment the season ended, knowing all the while that Mora would be out.

The whole thing screams “publicity stunt,” and one can only wonder whether this is the right move for this franchise at this moment.

In reality, we’ll have to wait and see what direction the organization goes in now. Will they flounder or flourish? Will Carroll ultimately become a hero or villain?

The answers to these questions and more will play out in the coming weeks, months, and years. For now, we’ll just have to embrace Pete Carroll for what he is: the newest head coach of the Seattle Seahawks.

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Seattle Seahawks Deserve Ass-Kicking Tyrant for Next Head Coach

If the Seattle Seahawks were the classic computer game Oregon Trail, I would put the pace on “grueling,” the food rations on “bare bones,” and tell the players, “Shut the hell up and play, or you’re gonna get dysentery and die.”

Loaded with prima donnas from top to bottom, the 2009 edition of the Hawks were coddled by their head coach, Jim Mora, who lost his job as a result. Consider him Zeke, the kid who was always first to pass in your Trail caravan.

The problem with Mora isn’t that he simply lost too many games; much of it has to do with his reputation as a player’s coach.

The term “player’s coach” is code for, “I want to be your friend, and while you’ll want me to stick around so you don’t have to do much work, I will probably get fired without ever accomplishing much since, deep down, you don’t respect me.” That’s a long-ass code, but you get the idea.

Mora didn’t have the respect of his players, and it showed.

The team quit on him down the stretch, as the Seahawks were pummeled in their final four games of the year. At the same time, disgruntled players vented their frustration with the coaching staff on the sideline and in the media, all but forcing their head coach to the unemployment line.

Though it makes sense to ax Mora, the timing of his departure is suspect.

The team has yet to hire a general manager and is now in the process of filling two gaping voids for the 2010 season. One can only wonder whether any of the Hawks’ players had a direct impact on the abruptness of Mora’s termination, namely superstar divas Jon Ryan and Olindo Mare (tongue, meet cheek).

Regardless of the circumstances surrounding Mora’s ouster, the opportunity for the Seahawks to improve is now greater than ever before.

Starting with a clean slate, the team can bring in the type of coach who will force these players to shape up. No more whining in the press, no more dogging it on certain plays, no more being overpaid little wimps.

The Hawks need a coach who will carry on the legacy of Mike Holmgren, who, let’s face it, should still be the team’s head coach (thank you, Tim Ruskell, for destroying our franchise).

Under Holmgren, players were forced to submit to the gameplan or risk serious consequences. At best, the team might release you. At worst, Holmgren himself might remove your limbs and beat you with your own arms and legs.

Players were scared of Mike Holmgren, and things worked better that way.

There was a level of predictability that came with each practice and each game. Everyone—coaches, players, personnel—knew what to expect when it came to the head coach.

There were no awkward post-game press conferences calling out kickers or questioning the desire of the ballclub. Holmgren had control of his team, and everyone knew it.

Similarly, there was a certain level of accountability that came with the Holmgren regime. If you screwed up, you’d face consequences. If you stepped out of line, you’d be punished. Everyone knew their role, knew what they had to do to survive, and acted accordingly.

With a chance to make amends for the resulting faux pas that was the Tim Ruskell-Jim Mora era, the Seahawks need to rekindle the memory of Mike Holmgren and bring in a head coach who won’t be afraid to make his players hate him. And by hate, I mean respect.

Bill Cowher and Jon Gruden are two names that quickly come to mind, but assuredly there are more guys like that in the world of the NFL. However, bringing in either of those two ex-coaches, both of whom have won Super Bowls and established a track record of excellence, would set a precedence on winning that was missing in 2009.

As a fan, I want nothing more than to see a true ass-kicker patrolling the Seahawks’ sideline.

I want the type of coach who will make his players quiver.

I want to see T.J. Houshmandzadeh weeping on the sideline.

I want Matt Hasselbeck to know that his next interception will be his last.

I want the underachievers to know that their reputations, their contracts, or their names mean nothing. Nothing.

I want this team to succeed, and it starts with the coach.

Get a guy in here who will strip these players of their undeserved attitudes and start from scratch. This team needs a tyrant, a general, a force. Let’s go get one.

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Matt Hasselbeck Must Shoulder Blame For Seahawks’ Losses

Matt Hasselbeck is one of those guys who is often exempt from criticism. He’s a veteran who has had a relatively long and prolific career, and is generally regarded as a leader both on and off the field. When it comes to the struggles of the Seahawks, we generally give Hasselbeck a free pass.

But after Sunday’s loss at Arizona—a game in which Hasselbeck threw for 315 yards in the process—we need to place at least some of the blame for this team’s indiscretions at the feet of number eight. Frankly, we can ill afford to spare him any longer.

In the past, we’ve had a tendency to put the onus for losing on a number of different targets. A porous offensive line, an inconsistent running game, receivers who can’t hang onto passes. The fact is, we can only make scapegoats out of certain people so many times before the words ring hollow. And our scapegoats have been the same for two seasons.

What about the rest of the team? What about a guy like Hasselbeck?

When healthy enough to play, Hasselbeck has been playing at an unacceptable level for more than a year. That could be for any number of reasons, including the ones we listed above.

On top of that, he’s been hurt. Frequently. And he’s played hurt. Frequently.

You have to respect Hasselbeck’s willingness to put the team before himself, before his body, and before his future. But unfortunately that gutsiness can only be used as an excuse for a certain amount of time before it becomes a crutch to stand on.

Hasselbeck has earned our respect. He’s earned our patience. He has a passion for the game that is unrivaled, and absolutely gives the Seahawks the best chance to win under center. Plus he’s a likable guy that is as down to earth as anyone else. All of this allows him the freedom to stink up the joint every once in a while and suffer no consequences.

But Sunday’s game was different. We witnessed a new side of Hasselbeck that epitomized the frustration of a miserable 3-6 season. Instead of the savvy, confident, capable game-manager that we’ve grown accustomed to finding on Autumn weekends, the second half of Sunday’s loss brought forth a jittery, panicked, exasperated Hasselbeck that showed up at precisely the wrong time.

The Seahawks had this game. A game that would have salvaged their season for a week, and likely longer. They led 17-10 at halftime, then stood idly by as everything unraveled.

Amidst it all was Hasselbeck, who engineered the downfall of his ball club. One costly interception, then another. Passes thrown well out of reach of receivers. Passes thrown into double, and even triple coverage. And time and again, when walking off the field following an abbreviated drive, here was Hasselbeck—the leader, the captain—with head hung and a look of unmitigated acrimony on his face. It was like a child on the verge of a tantrum.

Losing wears on us all. Fans, media members, coaches, and, most importantly: the players. But leaders are who we count on when we’re down. On Sunday afternoon, at University of Phoenix Stadium, the Seahawks were searching for a leader where none could be found.

I like Matt Hasselbeck. I’ve always liked him. Most fans and media members alike can echo those sentiments. As I alluded to before, part of the reason we spare him from criticism is because he’s our brother, our son, our dad, our friend. He’s a guy we all feel we can relate to.

But every now and then we need to put our emotions aside and do what has to be done for the team. In this case, we need to put some of the blame for this most recent loss and, in turn, all six of the Seahawks’ losses on Matt Hasselbeck. It’s time.

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Seahawks Following in Footsteps of Division Rival Rams

Remember when the St. Louis Rams were the team to beat in the NFC West? No team—not the Seahawks, 49ers, or Cardinals—could wrest the division crown from the Rams’ iron grip.

Led by the likes of Isaac Bruce, Torry Holt, Marc Bulger, Kurt Warner, Orlando Pace, Leonard Little, and Marshall Faulk, the Rams were a force to be reckoned with in an otherwise weak division.

And then it all blew up.

Seemingly overnight, the Rams got very, very old.

Their rock of a left tackle, Pace, became an injury-prone question mark year in and year out.

Faulk ran out of gas and retired.

Bruce and Holt both dropped from their lofty perches as two of the game’s best wideouts. Each would see a reduced role in the team’s offense before moving on to different clubs.

Warner moved on, paving the way for Bulger. Bulger, in turn, took the reins of the St. Louis offense and proved consistently inconsistent.

The defense fell apart.

Coaches came and went.

It was a carousel of problems for the former Super Bowl champs as they went from contender to cellar-dwellar over the course of a matter of months.

And their biggest issue? That came in failing to acknowledge their own demise.

Rather than attempt to rebuild their franchise from the ground up, the Rams instead opted to patch holes with stopgap veterans through free agency. They frivolously invested money in the wrong players, handicapping their payroll in the process, and stalling their team’s growth when all was said and done.

Five years after the Rams first relinquished the division crown to the rival Seahawks, it is Seattle that is now experiencing a similar fall from grace.

Beset by a litany of obstacles since their last NFC West title in 2007, the Seahawks have witnessed key players go down to injury, seen former superstars run out of town, made bad decisions in trades and free agency, and, like the Rams, have complicated matters by ignoring all the warning signs.

There’s Matt Hasselbeck, who has spent most of the past two seasons nursing a chronically ailing back, missing significant game time in the process. The quarterback has been absent from 11 contests since the start of 2008, all due to injury.

Hasselbeck’s pain has only been amplified by a decaying offensive line that has been hampered by injuries of their own. At certain points in each of the past two years, the team has entered ballgames with backups starting at every single position in the offensive trench.

The biggest loss on the O-line comes in the form of left tackle Walter Jones, a future Hall of Famer who was on the downside of his career three years ago. Jones was placed on injured reserve just one week ago and may have played his last game as a Seahawk.

Injuries have also plagued the secondary (cornerback Marcus Trufant spent the first six weeks of 2009 on the PUP list), the linebacking corps (Pro Bowler Lofa Tatupu is out for the remainder of the year, and starter Leroy Hill missed time in the early going), the defensive line (DE Patrick Kerney played in just seven games in 2008), and the receivers (nine different wideouts saw playing time for the team in 2008).

Free agency and the draft have been two other areas of concern for the once-proud ballclub.

It began when left guard Steve Hutchinson was lost to the Minnesota Vikings in the 2006 offseason. One of the cogs in the team’s Super Bowl season in ‘05, Hutchinson’s departure left a gaping hole on the offensive line.

From that point forward, a laundry list of questionable signings were brought in to try and help the team return to prominence.

Nate Burleson, Julius Jones, Mike Wahle, Brian Russell, Deon Grant, and TJ Duckett are among the veteran signees that have underwhelmed during their tenure with the Seahawks. Another acquired veteran, receiver Deion Branch, was obtained in a trade for draft picks with the New England Patriots.

Among draft selections, Darryl Tapp, Lawrence Jackson, Baraka Atkins, Kelly Jennings, Josh Wilson, Chris Spencer, and Rob Sims have all failed to live up to expectations in their brief careers.

Additionally, the Seahawks have failed to seriously acknowledge any of the positions of greatest need on their roster in recent draft. Offensive tackle, tailback, and quarterback are three areas where the club could drastically improve themselves with high draft choices.

Instead they overdraft at positions of strength, or tend to swing and miss (see Sims, Rob) when selecting a player at a critical need spot.

Ultimately, this run of failure will cost general manager Tim Ruskell his job. With an open checkbook bestowed upon the franchise by billionaire owner Paul Allen, the organization can simply stall no longer.

As evidenced by their intradivision foes, the Rams, resisting the need to rebuild can be a painfully costly process that can cripple a franchise for years. Rather than make the same mistakes as their conference counterpart, the time has come for the front office to consider blowing up their decaying roster and start anew.

As far as the Seahawks are concerned, it’s rebuilding time.

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Rush Limbaugh, American Citizen, Has Every Right To Buy An NFL Team

If Rush Limbaugh wants to buy a football team, then he should be allowed to buy a football team. Why the hell not, right?

The guy has the funds to do so, he’s not a criminal, and it is within his right as an American citizen to be able to make a legal purchase of property that is, in turn, legally and willingly sold to him.

This whole “Ban Rush” fest is getting ridiculously out of hand. It seems like every single person on the planet wants to keep him from spending his money as he wishes. I don’t even like the guy. But I respect his right to exchange currency for goods and services within the confines of our nation.

Limbaugh is a controversial figure, there’s no getting around that. He has made a living ripping other individuals, essentially turning himself into a target for scrutiny in the process.

He has said some things that cannot ever be atoned for, that have tarnished the image he seemingly cares little about, and that have led to this whirlwind of speculation over his potential ownership of the NFL’s St. Louis Rams.

But why must we, as fellow citizens, hang a “We Reserve The Right To Refuse Service” sign in this man’s face? He hasn’t even walked in the door yet, and we’re already telling him to get out. That doesn’t seem fair or equitable in the least.

Why, when it comes to a man as intolerant as Rush Limbaugh, must we be equally as intolerant in forsaking his right to ownership? If there’s anything Rush has taught us, it’s that we should avoid stooping to his level.

Regardless of your opinion of Rush Limbaugh, the person, there are certain rights that Rush Limbaugh, potential property owner, possesses. It is not up to us to infringe upon those rights, no matter how much we may dislike the person on the other end.

Is Rush Limbaugh good for sports? Nobody really knows for sure. You could ask that question of any prospective owner prior to his or her acquisition of a franchise, but in reality there can be no immediate answer.

All we know is that we don’t like Rush Limbaugh. There are many of us who are offended by him, hurt by him, insulted by him, and put off by his stance on politics. It shouldn’t make a difference.

Rush Limbaugh has a right to buy the St. Louis Rams if he wants to. And who are we to stop him.

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Top 10 Signs Your Fantasy Football Team Sucks

In this era of fantasy athletics, there are always going to be fantasy winners and fantasy losers. You strive to be a winner, but more often than not you lose. And you don’t know why.

Lucky for you, we’ve got your answers.

From sleepers to sure-things, we all make mistakes. The first step towards success is admitting we’ve made mistakes, correcting those mistakes, and moving forward from those mistakes.

Nobody is perfect and we all have our flaws. Together, we can overcome just about anything. Even Tarvaris Jackson.

On to the list…

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Seattle Seahawks Sign Ex-University of Washington RB Louis Rankin

The Seattle Seahawks have signed former University of Washington running back Louis Rankin to their practice squad, according to the team’s website.

Rankin, who rushed for over 1,000 yards during his senior year at UW in 2007, has spent the past two seasons with the Oakland Raiders.

The 6′1″, 205-pound tailback was on Oakland’s active roster for two games this season, acting as the team’s kick returner early on.

Rankin was released prior to last Sunday’s game against the Denver Broncos. There was some speculation that the Raiders were attempting to sign Rankin to their own practice squad, were he able to sneak through waivers.

 

Instead, it was the Seahawks who made a move, and now Rankin appears destined to at least put some heat on second-year tailback Justin Forsett in practice.

Forsett has been largely ineffective as the third-string tailback this season. His stint as kick and punt returner has been modest, but far from impressive.

To make room for Rankin on the practice squad, the Hawks cut wide receiver Devin Moore and linebacker Thomas Williams. With Rankin’s addition, there is still currently one open slot on the practice roster.

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The Brutally Honest NFL Preview: AFC South

Part three in our 2009 NFL preview. Teams are ranked by projected finish.

 

1. Indianapolis Colts

On paper, Peyton’s boys should run away from the rest of the division. In reality, the race for first will likely be a three-team battle that includes Houston and Tennessee, as well.

The Colts have the edge in experience and talent. Their offense is tops in the AFC South, even in spite of the departure of WR Marvin Harrison.

Harrison is replaced in the starting lineup by third-year pro Anthony Gonzalez, a sure-handed threat that should see a significant uptick in production this season.

Alongside Gonzalez is the ever-reliable Reggie Wayne, who is quite simply one of the best in the business.

Indianapolis should benefit from a younger, healthier running back corps led by Joseph Addai. Addai is coming off a subpar 2008 campaign in which his numbers suffered due to injury.

Despite the fact that the organization brought in rookie Donald Brown to hold down the No. 2 tailback role, this is Addai’s job to lose.

No, Indy’s defense isn’t what it used to be, but Dwight Freeney is still a pass-rushing game-changer that will affect every play, and with an offense as potent as the Colts have, winning games should be second-nature to the boys in blue.

 

2. Houston Texans

The Texans are poised for a breakout season, but they’ll need their franchise quarterback to stay healthy all year in order to contend for a playoff berth.

QB Matt Schaub missed five games last season to injury and witnessed his team go 2-3 during his absence. He still managed to throw for over 3,000 yards in his 11-game season, but his departure only served to prove his importance to this ballclub.

In addition to Schaub, Houston has great talent at every offensive skill position, including wideout (Andre Johnson and Kevin Walter), running back (Steve Slaton), and tight end (Owen Daniels).

On the other side of the ball, it is defensive end and former No. 1 overall pick Mario Williams that changes games for this Texan team.

Like Indianapolis before them, it is offense that will make the difference for this club.

3. Tennessee Titans

Team 1C in the South, Tennessee is, on paper at least, the third-best club in this division.

Unlike the rest of their divisional counterparts, the Titans win games thanks to a powerful defense and a grind-it-out running game.

They say defense wins championships, but in order to compete in this league, you need some semblance of offense, as well.

While the Titans were able to surprise a lot of teams last year with QB Kerry Collins under center, they’ll be hard-pressed to sneak up on opponents this season.

The one-two punch of speedback Chris Johnson and powerback LenDale White will be the focus of opposing gameplans, forcing the Titans to throw the ball more and stray from their bread and butter.

With an unproven receiving corps (the starters at WR are Nate Washington and Justin Gage) and an aging QB, an enormous amount of pressure will be put on the defense to carry the load for this team.

Can they repeat the magic of 2008? Maybe, but we don’t think so.

 

4. Jacksonville Jaguars

Just one year ago, Jacksonville was everyone’s sexy pick to go to the Super Bowl. Uh…what?!

A year later, the Jags are a forgotten ballclub after going 5-11 in 2008. I guess that’s what crack cocaine will do to a club.

Not that it’s entirely crack’s fault, but the drug has seemingly vanquished the entire receiving corps (beginning and ending with Matt Jones, though former first-rounder Reggie Williams has also been linked), leaving behind a shell of the talent that used to exist at wideout.

This year, the top three wideouts are completely overhauled from 2008. Veteran Torry Holt is the only guaranteed starter, while former Minnesota Viking Troy Williamson as well as third-year pro Mike Sims-Walker should both receive playing time on the opposite side.

In the Jaguars’ backfield, Maurice Jones-Drew will, for the first time in his career, assume the role of feature back with Fred Taylor’s departure. That’s great news if you’re a fantasy owner, but bad news if you’re the Jaguars.

Allowing Jones-Drew the luxury of sitting plays out was a tremendous boon to the team’s offense in past seasons and the added load could have a negative effect on MJD’s production late in the season.

Jacksonville’s defense is middle-of-the-road and on top of all that, the ballclub plays a tough schedule, going on the road for five games against playoff contending opponents.

In just one year, the atmosphere in Jacksonville has completely changed. Will it work out for the best? Not this season.

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The Brutally Honest NFL Preview: AFC North

Our preview of the 2009 NFL season continues with the AFC North. Teams are ranked by projected finish.

 

1. Pittsburgh Steelers

Their offensive line is nearly as protective as Travis Henry’s condoms, but that won’t slow down the Steel Town juggernaut.

Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is used to making quick, short passes under pressure and he can expect more of the same in ‘09. Per usual, wideout Hines Ward will benefit most from this arrangement.

Joining Big Ben in the Steelers’ backfield is the two-headed tailback monster of Willie Parker and Rashard Mendenhall. Both backs were injured in 2008, and are looking to rebound on disappointing seasons.

If the line can hold at all, this offense has a chance to make noise.

Not that it matters all that much with a defense as strong as Pittsburgh’s. Opponents can expect a heavy dose of the Steel Curtain’s hard-nosed attack, and that should be enough to lead the black-and-gold to the top of the division once again.

 

2. Cincinnati Bengals

This is a big IF, but IF Carson Palmer can stay healthy, then the Bengals should be able to overtake Baltimore as the No. 2 team in the division in 2009.

The Cincinnati quarterback has been injured in each of the past two seasons, and his time away has severely hurt the organization. Expect that to change as Palmer returns to strength and benefits from a new weapon in the form of veteran receiver Laveranues Coles.

Alongside Coles is a man who, when he isn’t kicking field goals, is known as one of the better wideouts in football. That would be Chad (aka Esteban) Ochocinco. The enigmatic receiver may have lost a step in recent years, but along with Palmer’s return, Johnson should regain his form as well.

Tailback Cedric Benson will be asked to carry a bigger load than he’s ever had to in his NFL career, but the former Chicago Bear should be up to the task after finishing strong in 2008.

There’s no doubt that the Bengals’ D is a little shaky, but in a division of less-than-potent offenses, it shouldn’t matter a whole lot.

Add in wild cards in the form of WR Chris Henry and DT Tank Johnson, and Cincinnati becomes one of the most intriguing teams of 2009. Will that translate into wins? We’ll have to wait and see.

 

3. Baltimore Ravens

What’s the difference between second place and third place in a division like the AFC North?

For one, it’s age.

The Ravens are older now, and 2009 will finally be the year that wisdom melds into senility.

The defense is solid, as usual, but the team’s best defenders—Ray Lewis and Ed Reed, for two—aren’t getting any younger. Expect the aches and pains of middle age to creep up on the Crows over the course of this season.

On the offensive side of the ball, the team has been relying on smoke and mirrors—in the forms of Derrick “Smoke” Mason, and Mark “Mirrors” Clayton—in the receiving corps for a number of years now.

The retired-then-unretired Mason is at the end of his line and Clayton would be a third or fourth receiver in a decent passing game.

It’s quite possible that second-year quarterback Joe Flacco might actually regress with wideouts that have added milliseconds to their 40 times in the past 365 days.

That said, the Ravens should finally have some answers in the running game thanks in large part to Ray Rice and Le’Ron McClain.

McClain, who paced the club with 11 rushing TDs in 2008, returns to his natural fullback position after a year in the tailback role.

Rice, a second-year player out of Rutgers, should assume reps as the No. 1 tailback, sending Willis McGahee down the pecking order a rung. McGahee should still be in line for goal-line carries, assuming he can remain in good health.

Though many see Baltimore as the second-best team in the AFC North, we envision a scenario in which Father Time drops the Blackbirds to No. 3 in the division. Sorry, Ravens fans.

 

4. Cleveland Browns

Brown is the color of poo, which is exactly what the Cleveland Browns most resemble in the AFC North.

Not that there isn’t any talent in Cleveland.

Receiver Braylon Edwards has the ability to be one of the best pass-catchers in the league. When he isn’t dropping passes, that is. In 2008, Edwards was plagued by a bad case of butterfingers and he’ll do his best to recover in ‘09.

Even if Edwards gets sticky hands this season, there’s no guaranteeing that anyone will be able to give him the ball.

The Browns are currently stuck deciding between quarterbacks Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson, a never-ending dispute that will seemingly result in the lesser of two evils being named starter.

Both have had their chances to claim the job in recent years, and neither has exactly wowed onlookers by seizing the opportunity.

In the backfield, Jamal Lewis is a bull who happens to be on his last legs. His backups include scatback Jerome Harrison and rookie James Davis, both of whom should see duty on a semi-regular basis.

The rest of the starters are a patchwork crew, and the prognosis in Cleveland isn’t good for the time being. Give this club a few more years before contention in the North becomes a reality.

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The Brutally Honest NFL Preview: AFC West

 

To kick off our 2009 NFL season preview, we bring you a breakdown of the AFC Western Division. Teams are ranked by their projected finish.

 

1. San Diego Chargers

So what if the lights are going out on Shawne “Tequila” Merriman’s career?

Fact is, the AFC West is so bad that the Chargers should be able to pencil themselves in for a division title in each of the next three years or so.

Their window is closing thanks to a number of aging stars, but their depth is fantastic and they have weapons at every skill position.

Tailback LaDainian Tomlinson can still run the ball, backup Darren Sproles is a capable super-sub, and quarterback Phillip Rivers looks like a young Dick Vermeil but plays like a young Joe Montana.

Merriman might be an annual distraction for this club, but he’s little more than a bump in the road on the way to the playoffs.

 

2. Kansas City Chiefs

Outside of San Diego, the rest of this division is a total crapshoot. Oakland and Denver are flat-out bad, which leaves the door wide open for an up-and-coming Kansas City club.

The Chiefs will rely on a number of fringe big-name players to carry their team. It starts and ends for this club in the backfield, where QB Matt Cassel and RB Larry Johnson will be counted on to produce big numbers in spite of question marks surrounding both.

Save for last season, Cassel is an unproven commodity with absolutely no track record in this league.

Johnson, on the other hand, has a checkered past and will be pushed for PT by backup Jamaal Charles.

Newcomer Bobby Engram should play a big part as the slot receiver, assuming the role of safety net with TE Tony Gonzalez’s departure.

First-year head coach Todd Haley—the offensive coordinator with Arizona in 2008—will look to move the ball through the air early and often in KC.

Expect a lot of offense and little D from this team that looks to improve on a 2-14 2008 season.

 

3. Oakland Raiders

Assuming they manage to finish the season ranked somewhere better than last place in this division, the Raiders might very well be the all-time worst non-last place finisher in NFL history.

Outside of RB Darren McFadden and CB Nnamdi Asomugha, everyone on this team looks bad, including the sparring coaching staff and the walking death in the front office.

There is little talent on either side of the ball, and naming a receiver from the current roster would pose a task to even the biggest football buff (for the record, Chaz Schilens, Johnny Lee Higgins, and Javon Walker are all considered starters).

Quarterback JaMarcus Russell is in a make-or-break year, and veteran backup Jeff Garcia is a vulture circling, ready to take Russell’s job at a moment’s notice.

Even with Justin Fargas and Mike Bush in the running back rotation, this is without question McFadden’s team. The former Arkansas Razorback was the lone bright spot in a miserable preseason for the Raiders, but even he might have a tough time running behind a shaky O-line.

Look for the silver-and-black to challenge Denver for the cellar, but come out on top as the lesser of two evils in 2009.

 

4. Denver Broncos

This year’s edition of the Broncos is like a midday soap opera on UPN. There’s drama and turmoil, but the fact is nobody cares.

New coach Josh McDaniels has rubbed everyone the wrong way since coming over from the Patriots organization. He ended up necessitating a trade of QB Jay Cutler, distancing troubled wideout Brandon Marshall, and angering some fans in the process.

Now the rookie head coach will be hard-pressed to win ballgames with a patchwork crew of youngsters and wishy-washy vets.

Tailback Knowshon Moreno, a first-round pick out of Georgia, is the most promising Bronco on the roster. He should get the first opportunity to start in the Denver backfield, but will be spotted with frequency by backup Correll Buckhalter, among others.

Quarterback Kyle Orton lacks the arm strength to incorporate fleet-footed WR Eddie Royal on deep routes. Expect the two to find success when Royal is in the slot and Orton is utilizing a quick release.

On defense, the Broncos should have confidence in veterans Champ Bailey and Brian Dawkins, both of whom will be patrolling the secondary. Opponents might not have any trouble running on this team, but completing passes could be a whole different matter.

If the Broncos end up being as bad as we think they’ll be, they won’t end up benefiting from their failures in the near future. That’s because they traded their 2010 first-round pick to Seattle during the ‘09 Draft. Expect Seahawk fans to be rooting against the orange and blue all season long.

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